
Okay class, English tayo.
>:)
I need cute and keen critics.
I need...
I need.... myself.
*malakas na hangin epek*
HAHAHAHAHAHA. Ano daw?! =)))))))
Dahil sobrang depressed at wala sa sarili, sumulat nanaman ako ng isang pointless story. 3 tao palang naman ang nakakabasa nito, namely Julia slash Octopus, Mico slash Pots, at si Claire slash Cookies. Ayoko na banggitin ang comment nila, nakakaiyak e. :))
Gusto ko sana ilagay dito.. kaso... wala lang. Tinatamad ako. Pero ayoko namang mabulok lang siya at eventually ay i-delete ko rin, kaya ilalagay ko nalang nga. Pampahaba lang ng paragraph eh no. :D
Sana maenjoy niyo pagtawanan. Hehe. I'm open for criticisms, violent reactions, at kung anu-ano pang pwede niyong ipukol sakin. ;)
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"Here, take mine."
Her eyes were teary from the movie we watched and she couldn't find her handkerchief. She looks so cute when she cries, laughs, and talks. I can't help but fall for her even more. I kissed her gently on the cheeks and wiped her tears away.
She smiled.
"Thanks. I think I want to watch it again."
"We'll watch it as long as you want to."
28 times. That's how many times we've seen that movie and I'd always see her crying at the end. I'd laugh at her for being such a crybaby but then she'd get mad which made me laugh even more. She'd pinch my cheek and cross her arms as I press the play button on the remote to watch the same movie again.
"You never get tired of this, eh?"
"No. It's my favorite. The boy dies before he could admit his feelings to the girl he loves and that's such a sad thing. The girl feels the same way though but won't admit it too.."
"They should've been true to themselves, you know."
"I know.. but that's love. You could never really understand yourself when you're in love."
I laughed. She looked at me, puzzled with my laughter.
"I swear, best. I won't be like them. If ever I love someone, I'd tell them right away."
"Really? Then maybe if the boy admitted his feelings, it wouldn't be much of a sad ending, right?"
"Uh-huh. You better do the same thing. Tell the persons you love what you really feel.. because you never know if it's too late."
Then she'd turn her eyes to the television and rest her head on my shoulder. We're best friends. No more, no less. We've known each other ever since they moved to our village when I was 4. But as time passed by and as our friendship grew, I woke up one morning realizing that I had fallen for my sweet best friend. She's all I ever dreamed of in a girl, simple and spontaneous. We know each other from head to toe and know each other's secrets.
But then again, we're just best friends.
It was almost the near the ending when she turned to me again, all teary eyed and stuff.
"What? You need a hug?"
"Then tell me, have you ever been in love?"
I stared at her. Why would she ask a question like that?
"I know it's such a stupid question, best. But I just can't get it off of my mind..."
What will I say? That I love her? No.. I can't, we're best friends...
"C'mon, you know me. Do I really need to answer?"
With that, she turned the tv off and just sat on the couch. It was midday and our parents are outside preparing the picnic table. Her mom invited us over for lunch because there was this special announcement she had to make.
"I know you. And it seems you haven't loved anyone else yet.."
"But..."
"But you just said that you'd tell her right away. So.. I'll just wait for that day.."
"Which day?"
"When you tell someone you love her."
"But.."
There was a moment of silence between us. It was hard to swallow and I really can't finish my sentence knowing that I couldn't muster the guts to tell her how I feel. I felt so weak, just like the guy in the movie we saw. Then I remembered how I said I wouldn't be like him.. I promised. It took me some time to have the courage to say what she needs to hear, it was so quiet that I could hear myself think of words to tell her.
"I... I love you. You're the one I love, Kylie..ever since we became best friends."
There was no response.
"Best.. I'm sorry. I know we're best friends and I didn't mean to but..."
I intended to cut my sentence short in hope that she'll say something already. Still no reply. When I checked her, she was sleeping. Maybe she got tired of watching the movie and accidentally dozed off, I thought.
She didn't hear me. She didn't see how big of a coward I am for not telling her sooner. I was saved from the embarassment and the awkwardness, I was relieved. It was already time for the picnic to start but she was still asleep. I went to her room to check on her but what I saw scared the hell out of me...
As I opened the door and peeped into her room, I saw her lying lifeless on the floor.
Silence.
Heart beat.
"MOM!"
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It's dawn, the most beautiful and peaceful time of the day. I heard Kylie's mom talking with the doctor last night but I couldn't fully understand what they were talking about. I kept hearing something about this disease which the doctor said Kylie has. Her mom returned with eyes full of tears and they looked just the same as Kylie's-only with more sadness. She left me in charge of her daughter as she went home and packed some of Kylie's stuff for their stay in the hospital. I didn't even had the time to ask her what happened.
I opened the windows allowing more light to come in. The air was peaceful, quiet, and serene.
"Best, look, it's you're favorite time of the day."
She wouldn't look. She didn't listen. She's just laying there. Sleeping. I took her hand and held it to my cheek. I felt her warmth as though she wanted me to feel it. She was always warm, bubbly, and charming ever since the day we met. Whenever she's sad, she'd go to our house and play with me till dusk and we'd call her mom to fetch her. Then she'd give me candy before they leave and I'd always keep it in one of the jars I had in my room. Memories...
"Kevin, wake up. We need to transfer to another room."
Kylie's mom attended to her things as I got up from the chair near the bed. I saw a couple of nurses take Kylie to another room as I helped her mom with the bags.
"Auntie, what's with Kylie?"
I call her Auntie. When I was young, mom wouldn't let me call Kylie's mom with her real name which was Anita. She said it was impolite and that Kylie would be angry with me. I grew up calling her Auntie and she liked me for that.
She looked at me, undecided whether to tell the truth or just shrug me off.
"It's just too early to tell, Kevin. Please be patient with your best friend."
Too early? Thoughts about the movie Kylie and I saw flashed in my mind. It's never too early nor too late to tell the truth.. especially in times like this.
We got settled in a better room which I bet was so expensive. Auntie placed the bags in a large cabinet and sat in one of the chairs. Mom would take care of their house during their stay here. I got her a cup of coffee and sat with her as she sipped and calmed herself down.
"Auntie.. what's with Kylie?"
She looked at me again. She wasn't mad because I repeated my question, I could tell because her shoulders leaned back as she took another sip. After heaving a sigh, she put the cup down and held my hands.
Three drops of tears fell on them. I looked up at her.
"My boy, I know Kylie would've want you to know sooner, but she was too scared. From the moment we knew about her sickness, she wanted to tell you and your mom right away..."
She was trembling. My heart was beating so fast I wasn't sure what I was really feeling. Auntie was never like this, she was always strong and happy and she'd always reprimand us to smile and love life.
The next thing she said killed half of my being.
"Kylie has cancer. Colon cancer to be exact. The doctor said she would still be able to fight it but when we went back for her check-up, they said she deteriorated rapidly..."
Three more drops of tears.
"Kylie wanted you to know but she was scared of losing you. You were her only real friend, you know.. and you were the only one she really cared about and loved."
I was her only real friend.
I was the only one she loved.
"..but the cancer was already at its final stage and Kylie was always in pain. That was the reason why she was absent from school the last few weeks. She'd refuse to go to your house because she was afraid you'll notice."
"But why the picnic?" My eyes swelled with tears.
Auntie placed her hand in my cheeks and hugged me. She was still sobbing but I could understand what she said.
"She finally decided to tell you and asked me to prepare a picnic for our families. Ever since the day we found out she was sick, I couldn't say no to her... time was fleeting and I didn't dare to waste it."
"But why the movie?"
"It was the movie both of you saw the first time you met. Don't you remember?"
Then the memory of our first meeting came flashing back. Mom took me to watch a movie with her that day and as she bought tickets, my cap was blown by the wind towards a lady talking to her daughter. Kylie picked up my hat and gave it to her mom. I was too afraid to get it so I told my mom and we went to talk to them. It turned out that we were actually neighbors and that they were new to our town. We watched the movie together, mom and Auntie, Kylie and me, seated in a row. Kylie whispered to me that it was her favorite movie of all time and I laughed at her because she cried at the end. That was our first meeting...
It was the same movie.
The same Kylie who would always cry at the end.
But now, she's asleep. No one knows if she'll still wake up, not even the doctors. They told us that there was little hope and that they'd only give her a month or so.
Dawn. Two weeks passed by and she's still asleep. Auntie went home to take care of the house because mom needed to attend a seminar abroad. I was left in charge. It was silent, just like the other dawns that passed by. I'd stay awake all night praying to God to save her from this pain. I'd stay by her side reading all the fairytales she told me she liked.
Even though she was in this kind of state, I loved her even more. I saw how strong my best friend was and decided that I should also be strong for her.
Every night I'd whisper to her the words I've been longing to say..
I don't need a response. I don't need an answer.
All I want is for her to know how much she means to me...
..that's she's everything I cared about. She's the only one I've loved.
"Auntie, don't do this. Kylie is still alive."
Tears rushed down my cheeks as I tried to pull the pen away from Auntie's hand. The doctor came in earlier to tell us that we already need to decide. It's been a month and a half since the day we rushed her here. Since that day, she didn't wake up nor showed any signs of movement. She's.....
"I want her to rest, Kevin. She needs to rest!"
She dropped the pen, trembling because of the cold weather outside. It's the 25th of December tomorrow, mom would come over later to celebrate Christmas with us. I was always with Auntie since their stay at the hospital and mom understood my situation. She would occasionally come over and comfort Auntie while I catch up on sleep.
"We can't make the decision by ourselves, Anita. We need guidance from above."
Mom tried to talk some sense into Auntie. They attended mass everyday while I took care of Kylie. One day, as I was drifting off to sleep, I held her hand just to make sure she's still with me when I wake up. It was easy to fall asleep when I hold her hand, it was as if she was helping me sleep easily.
"Kevin..."
I heard her. She's here. But... where am I?
"Kevin, can you hear me?"
"Yes!" I cried out. My heart jumped with joy when I heard her voice. It was music to my ears. Long have I yearned to hear her voice again, just one more time.
"Kevin, please listen to me. I won't be here for long.."
She sounded sad. I tried to follow her voice hoping to find her. It was only her voice, her sweet yet sad voice. I closed my eyes and imagined her. I want to see her, feel her, and see that she's fine.
"Tell my mom that I'm happy wherever she's happy. I know she's having a hard time coping with the situation and that she needs to let me go soon or else she'll be really depressed.. I don't like mom to be depressed... I want to see her happy. I want to see all of you happy and not worrying about me."
"But Kylie..."
"I love you."
I froze. Those words.. she.. said...
"I love you, best. I know you already know that and I'm happy that you're doing great..."
I struggled to talk but words escaped me. She's saying she loves me but she's also saying good bye? No, she can't leave. Not now..
"Why didn't you tell me sooner? You were afraid to lose me? Why would you think that?"
Silence embraced us. Then I heard her crying softly trying not to make me hear her. I tried to comfort her but I can't speak. I felt so guilty..
"Remember how you promised me that you'll tell the person you love
how you feel for her right away? You swore you'll never be like the guy in the movie.."
"I guess I broke my promise.. I'm..."
"Don't be sorry.. I broke my promise too."
"What?"
She laughed. She always had this wonderful laughter which made me smile whenever I hear it.
"The night before I invited you over for the picnic, I promised myself that I would admit how much I love you. But then... when I asked you about the one you love, I hoped you'd tell me it was me.. I.. I lost the courage to tell you. You said I knew, but I really didn't. I'm sorry.."
She failed to keep her cool and started to cry like a little kid. She'd always try to keep her cool until she explodes and I'd automatically laugh at her.
"Why..why are you laughing? Was I too pathetic?"
"Isn't it ironic?"
"What's ironic?"
"That we've become like the lovers in the movie, the ones we promised we won't be. But the difference is, we're able to talk to each other now--"
A large bell rang, something like that of the Big Ben.
"I have to go, best. God was so kind to give me enough time to tell you everything. Please.. tell my mom to cut the line. I know she has suffered enough, all of you have. I'm very grateful to have known someone like you, Kevin..."
Tears ran down my cheeks. I couldn't count the times I've cried because of her. I don't want to hear what she's saying because I know my heart can't take the pain of good bye. It was all too fast.. the last thing I could remember was our last parting words...
We said those three simple words at the same time. Both of us knew it would be the last time we'll see each other and it would take a lifetime for us to be together again. Then I woke up. Mom and Auntie were beside me waiting for me to wake up. I gave Auntie the pen, she signed, and everything else followed. There was no burial because she wanted to be cremated. Auntie gave me a locket containing some of Kylie's remains and I promised to cherish it until the day I die.
Unlike the boy and the girl in the movie, we were able to say good bye without regret nor pain in our hearts. There was nothing to feel guilty about. Since the day she left us, every time I'd look up to heaven, I could hear her laughter and see her sweet smile..
Then I would always feel that that I am and never will be alone. I have someone up there who cares for and loves me all the way. That's more than what I could ever hope for and I couldn't ask for more.
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Ayos ba? Kasi naman eh. Epekto ng antok, depression, guilt at gutom.
After the painstaking prelims in CWG and Philosophy, I was in desperated need for a breather. I was unusually not my self that day and I hated every moment of it. I could've done better and the guilt is killing me. *Okaaay, wag na alalahanin. Nababatrip lang ako* Let's just say that a lot of things have happened this past week which abruptly bottled up inside me. Sad thing is, it didn't pick a good time to burst. :| *Sabing wag nang alalahanin e*
Anyway, thanks for reading. Alam ko mediocre lang to'. Pero blog ko toh, wala kayo magagawa. Bwahaha. >:) Ang ingay sa labas ngayon, fiesta kasi samin e. Puro contests at walang sawang palakpakan. Ang masaya dyan, yung spotlight na kinabit nila sa poste sa labas ng bahay namin, nakatutok sa bintana at nakatutok sa kama ko. Hanep diba? =))
Share lang*
Mag uupload ako ng pics bukas. Gagawin ko na rin yung sa English namin which means, nosebleed nanaman. G'niiiight. :D